Five Things You Should NEVER Say to Your Girlfriend/Boyfriend
When it comes to dating etiquette, there are certain things you just never want to say to your girlfriend. Unless you’ve managed to find yourself a unicorn, chances are good that letting particular phrases out of your mouth will land you in very deep, very hot water. See the infographic below to learn five things you should not say to your bae, unless of course you’re trying to push her buttons.
So, you’ve done it; you’ve said something that you shouldn’t have, and now your woman is yelling at you, and you’re yelling right on back. Before you worry, don’t. It’s okay. It’s a reality of what seems like the vast majority of relationships that you and your woman will fight sometimes. Here are some tips for how to talk to your girlfriend following a fight.
Let Her Vent
Sometimes, people just need to get things off of their chests. If your woman wants to vent her frustrations, let her explain why she’s so upset without interruption. Interjecting with defensive comments or your side of the story could cause the fight to start all over again, so wait until she’s finished before you respond to what she’s said. She may realize her own fault in the argument just by saying it aloud, or you may gain a new perspective on the situation. Either way, be sure to listen actively. She wants to be heard.
Know When to Walk Away
It’s okay to hit the pause button in the middle of a fight, especially if it is no longer remotely productive. If the two of you are just screaming at each other, nothing will be resolved. Sometimes, you just need to remove yourself from the moment and take a minute to think alone. Keep in mind that your girlfriend is likely to worry if you just storm out of the house without saying anything, so if you need to take a walk or a drive, say so before you leave.
It only takes one to disagree, but it takes two to fight. Even if your woman has clearly gone crazy to get so upset about this or that, take responsibility for your part. Ultimately, only you can control how angry or upset you get, so if you can’t apologize for whatever started the argument, at least apologize for your part in the fight itself. If you let her keep all of the blame to herself, she may feel like a huge relationship failure. By taking part of the blame, you’re accepting that neither of you is perfect, but that’s okay because you can learn and grow together.
Give Her a Hug
Hugs are not just something we do to show affection. They lower the heart rate and stimulate the release of oxytocin, dopamine, and serotonin, which are all “feel good” neurotransmitters that encourage feelings of contentment. Whether she’s still angry at you or not, a hug will help her to feel secure, safe, and protected, even if it’s just subconsciously, and these feelings are very healing following a fight. If you and your girl are somewhere private, try a skin to skin hug to encourage extra closeness.
Don’t Ignore New Issues
Once you and your girlfriend are simpatico again, you can avoid having another blowout by not allowing issues to fester. Even small things, like the way she never turns the bathroom light off, can build and build until you feel as if you’re going to explode. Rather than letting your annoyance grow into resentment, discuss the issue with your woman. She may not even realize that what she’s doing is bothering you, and the fix may be as simple as putting a sticky note over the lightswitch, which is not worth a fight.
We hope these dating etiquette tips help you in your relationship adventures! Just remember that when you love someone, you’re on the same side. It may not always feel that way, but your woman has your back, and you have hers. Fighting happens. Don’t let your relationship be defined by it.
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In the left side of this post, we've shared an infographic detailing five things you should never say to your girlfriend, but there are also plenty of remarks you should avoid making to your man. See below for an infographic dedicated to five things you should never say to your boyfriend, unless of course you would rather be single for a bit.
We told you not to call him cute. Now, he’s mad, you’re fighting, and everything feels as if the ground is crumbling beneath your feet. Don’t worry; fights can happen even in the strongest of relationships. The important thing to remember is that this anger is temporary. See below for some tips on how you can make up with your man following a fight.
Warm That Shoulder
It can be tempting following a big fight to simply stop talking to him and give him the cold shoulder. This is called stonewalling, and it’s one of the fastest ways to compromise what was a relationship built on healthy and effective communication. If your man feels as if he’s being punished after your fight because you refuse to address him, he’s a lot less likely to share his opinions or feelings with you in the future. If you need time before you can talk to him again, let him know. It’s okay to say, “I’m too upset to talk right now. Please give me some time.”
Respect His Space
You don’t want to give him the cold shoulder, but you also don’t want to smother him directly after a fight. It can take some time for the both of you to calm down and begin to think rationally again. If he seems as if he needs more time, give it to him, and maybe spend some time reflecting on your own actions. What you don’t want to do is continue the argument, which will likely incite another fight. Sometimes, this cool down period will require one person to leave. If your boyfriend needs to sit outside, take a walk, or take a drive, don’t try to follow him. Give him time.
Don’t Make Excuses
Sometimes, we try to deescalate tense situations by making excuses as to why they happened in the first place. “We fought because I had a horrible day at work or because I have a headache or because my new socks are too tight on my poor little feet.” You get it. The intention is to make the other person feel better because it’s not them; it’s clearly something else about your life that has you so flustered, but to him, you’re just making excuses. If you’re feeling especially irritable following a bad day, let him know when you get home, so he won’t be surprised if you’re a little grumpy.
Don’t Get Down On Yourself
Fighting may be more common in some relationships than it is in others, but there’s no need to think poorly about yourself or your relationship just because you yelled at your sweetie, and he yelled back. If you and your man are fighting, it may mean that you’re not agreeing on something, but it also means you’re communicating, trying to work on being together as a couple. Fighting, at the very least, means you still care.
Remember that you and your man are always on the same side, even if you disagree on something. Besides, if you didn’t have to work for your relationship, what would be the point?
If your relationship adventures are happening online and you are having trouble with your online dating endeavors, Check out our book on the science behind online dating.